Back to Sikhi – Bhai Manvir Singh, UK

In the holidays I felt nervous wearing a pagh. I felt uncomfortable in terms of what if someone from my school saw me in town, or what would the rishtedaar (relatives) think. The first day back to school, as I tied my ‘dastaar’ (turban) my stomach churned, it felt as if someone was squeezing my stomach and chest. I felt nervous of thinking what gore (white people) would say, and what they would do to me seeing me with a ‘pagh’ tied on my head. I was so nervous that the day before I went to school, I got my mum to write a letter to my school tutor telling her why I was wearing a pagh and asking her to ensure that everyone was tolerant and understanding. I prayed to Waheguru Ji to help me. Looking in the mirror I tied my pagh. Inside my head, I questioned myself, and asked myself what I would face in my life if I kept Kesh. Looking in the mirror I wanted to see the true me – a Sikh boy who is proud to be a Sikh, and not a Sikh boy who says he is Sikh, but cuts his hair trying to hide his true self, and Sikhi. 

I felt emotional and came into bairaag (emotion of feeling moved) looking in the mirror and tying my pagh. However, I knew what I was doing was the right thing to do, and that no fundamentalist Muslim, no racist white person, no relative or family member could stop me. I knew Nanak Guru Gobind Singh would bless me and that Akaal Purkh (the Almighty Lord) was watching me and would help me all the way. 

When deciding to keep Kesh, my dad said to me that if I kept Kesh that I wouldn’t get married (and I felt and sensed that he also implied getting a job would become difficult because of discrimination in the workplace). He said he was worried as singhs find it difficult to get married. In the matrimonial section of the newspaper, you always find ‘clean shaven Sikh boy wanted’. He said Kurian (girls) nowadays do nakre (make excuses and be picky) with monai (cut haired people), so where does that leave singhs? Instead he said I should grow my Kesh after getting married. I told him, ‘why should I keep Kesh after marriage?’ You marry someone for who they are. I thought, is me growing Kesh after marriage going to change the girls mind about marrying a ‘Gurmukh’. How do I know that after marriage if I grow my Kesh, my wife might be against the idea of me wearing a pagh and keeping kesh? Its possible that she would wanted to get a divorce, be separated or give me a choice between her or religion. A singh wants to marry a Sikh who is proud to be Sikh and not ashamed to be known or seen as a Sikh. A singh will get a good job, if not that, a better one. A singh will get married to a girl, if not a better and more beautiful girl. Guru Nanak, Guru Gobind Singh will help and bless those who try to follow their teachings and path – not put them down. I told my father, ‘That Guru’s path who I have chosen, will look after me and all my affairs. You don’t need worry.’ Instead I said you should be worried about the boys who cut their hair, drink alcohol and drift away from Sikhi and the Guru. They are the ones who need to be worried about and be helped. 

I remember my brother and me used to have pity childish arguments. He used to say that singhs don’t get good jobs because of discrimination. Instead he would playfully tease me and say that only people with short hair get good jobs, become high flyers and marry the best girls. I would argue that I don’t care. He would argue would you rather be working in central London, in a really good status job and with a really high pay, or be a singh working in a factory. I said I would rather be a singh working in a factory, who is a proud Sikh. The Gurus died for Sikhi. Sikh men, women and children in our history have been willing to give up their lives rather than lose their Sikhi. My brother and me always used to have childish pathetic arguments about Sikhi. My brother respected Sikhi, but he would say, “When I retire, then I will start tying a pagh and keep kesh.” Why? The reason is because others might question why you have chosen to keep the Sikh appearance and what it is the significance behind it. 

A person says ‘I will keep Kesh when I retire’ but then when they retire, they say ‘I have now have free time, let me live a little more time to enjoy, then I will keep Kesh and follow Sikhi’. The time comes again for keeping Kesh and following the Guru’s path, by then the person says, ‘I am now waiting to die, it is too late, may Waheguru forgive me and that now there is no time or point in dedicating my life to the Guru’.